What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
