I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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