He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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