I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize