i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Welp...herpes.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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