i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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