At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
