We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
