i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
