i don't really know how much tequila is too much
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
