Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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