Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
