She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just cropdusted the office
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
