I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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