Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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