I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
