I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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