I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
