isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
