somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
