I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
