I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
