is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
