explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
