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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
