Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
