Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
