I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
