True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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