Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
