So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
