Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize