Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize