she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
