I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
