There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
