I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
