Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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