where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
