So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
