I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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