i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
