Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
