i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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