I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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