piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
