Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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