I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
