He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize