Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
