Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
