I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
im on a boat
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