saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
