I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
