dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
