My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
