she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
