we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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