I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
