I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
