allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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