I want to stick my p in your. b.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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