I want to make a zoo with you.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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