I puked a lego.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
