Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize