Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
