Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
