I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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