i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
