she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Be still, my beating vagina.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
