I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
