I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He has the fingertips of a God
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