i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
