This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
