Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
