I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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