I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
