I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
