I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
