that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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