Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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