I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
