Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
