I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
