Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
